


Pariah's Child

by Goldscythe (Darial_Kuznetsova)



Series: Nuclear Winters [8]
Category: Battle Beast, Finnish Music RPF, Machine Men, Nightwish, Reflexion - Fandom, Sonata Arctica, Stratovarius
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, F/M, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Nuclear War, Sami Shamanism, Sami folklore, Shamanism, Supernatural – Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23169607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darial_Kuznetsova/pseuds/Goldscythe
Summary: Their lives had been shaken up. This takes place in 2029.Halp, this just won't end! More tags and characters added later on. I just started this so have mercy.
Series: Nuclear Winters [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/54595
Kudos: 1





	1. Open your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not true, thank goodness. I intend nothing bad with this, it's just fiction, from the depths of my weird imagination.

**Pariah’s Child**

_”Did I bring this upon you?” he asked, even though he knew she barely understood him. She was sweating and trembling, eyes dim, yet she smiled at him. _

_”Ei. Ei Ruto. Ancestors… call…” she whispered, cold and clammy hand pressing the warm bundle against his chest tighter. ”Take… care…”_

_”Helená…” Juha whispered brokenly. He couldn’t help the tears slowly making their way down his cheeks, chest constricting. First Jarmo, then the whole settlement, Mikko, Rolf, Mailá and now Helená. Everyone seemed to fall ill and die around him. He loved the woman, in his own way. ”I did bring this on you…I really shouldn’t be around others…”_

_Helená just smiled, before her raspy breathing stopped and the eyes he often found himself almost drowning in, glazed over. _

_”Not you too…” he choked out as the 4-month-old baby in his arms began to cry. _

Juha woke up with a start, gasping his former partner’s name, panting and trembling. He sat up, trying to stay quiet, wiping the cold sweat and hot tears from his face to his sleeve. ”Please… not again…” he whispered and held his head in his hands. Feeling the warm body behind him move and get up as well, he didn’t startle at the warm hand that began to rub gentle circles on his back.

”That dream again?” Antony asked quietly. Juha could only nod, eyes fixed on the cot on the other side of the kota, where two children slept, tangled up with each other. ”It wasn’t your fault…”

”…I was tattooed with the disease demon on my head, what else do you think could cause it. I shouldn’t live in a place like this. Not this crowded.”

”Stop that…”

”…should we move to that old farmhouse?” he asked and Antony heaved a sigh.

”You are one helluva hermit. We cannot-”

”Grand Masters were spread out far and wide before. It could be done again. We are screwed if some illness claims suddenly Tony too. Toivo and Aada are not ready-”

”Juha… calm down…” Antony came to kneel in front of the taller man and held his face in his hands. ”Rolf’s death was a long time coming. He said it himself. He was living on borrowed time. You had nothing to do with Tarja’s illness, you know that. Mailá… not every woman survives childbirth, everybody knows that yet they willingly take the risk. Influenza or something was running around the settlement that Helená caught, it was not your fault. It took her so fast none of the remedies had time to properly help. She would slap you for thinking like this.”

The usually calm and collected resurrected shaman was rarely shaken up, but he had seen nightmares now and then after Helená’s death, haunted by her voice and eyes. Juha had been comforting Antony over Rolf’s death but now he was returning the favor. Even after all these years, he was still in shambles some nights.

They were so preoccupied with each other, just sitting there, that they didn’t hear one of the children get up from the bed and walk up to them.

”Daddy? Did you see mommy again?” They both nearly jumped at the quiet voice.

”It’s ok, Lilja. Come here…” Juha replied when the girl was taken aback by their startle. She shuffled closer and then just dove for his arms, tipping them back on the bed. ”Oof, you’re getting too heavy to dive at me.”

The girl just giggled, brown braids whipping him in the face, but he didn’t mind. Lilja was growing up to look much like her mother, yet some features were sharper and her eyes were green. ”Did you see a dream of mommy again?” she repeated her question.

”You know of the other times?” he asked, frowning. The girl just nodded and burrowed against his side, letting Antony pull the covers back up. Juha held her a little tighter, kissing her head.

”I sometimes wake up when I hear you cry. I miss mommy too. I know I never saw her, but… I just know something is missing…”

Juha looked at Antony, who had gotten his son to accompany him as well.

”They loved you. Your mothers loved you, you wouldn’t be here otherwise…” Antony replied and wiped the blond locks of his son away from his face and let him join them in the bed. It was mainly just an elevated earth platform covered by a mattress of furs and rugs. It was large enough to fit 4 people, which suited them just fine since the children had a habit of sometimes squirming into sleep next to them.

Breathing in the pine scent he could detect from her washed and braided hair, he held her tightly, taking the comfort of the love he sensed almost radiating from her and the warm, steady presence of Antony against his back and he cracked a smile when Joonas mumbled something about adults always thinking loudly.

It was barely dawn yet, they had time to sleep some more.


	2. Garden of Oblivion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony visits the Spirit World

**Chapter 2: Garden of Oblivion**

Tony opened his eyes when he felt he was back in the Spirit World, hearings birds and a warm breeze, smelling the myriad of flowers. He looked and smiled at the sight of Timo carving something, sitting by a tree. The spirit looked up with familiar blue eyes and he received a smile in return.

”Hey, long time no see.”

”Hey yourself. What brings you all the way here?” Timo asked, putting away the piece of wood he had been slowly working on. Tony sat down across on the soft grass.

”Thought I’d come to see more familiar faces. Where are the others, I know you have a horde of friends here by now…” he tried to joke, even though it was about so many of his friends dying.

”Jani is off somewhere with his mother, Lauri and Matias found something interesting by the forest, so it’s just me and Mikko here. How is it going on your end?”

”You haven’t spied on us?”

Timo laughed at that. ”No, Jani does that occasionally.”

Mikko came to join them, sitting to Tony’s right. ”Good to see you, old friend.”

”Emphasis on the old, I cannot stay too long, it has been some years since I’ve been back. Reminds me, have you seen Jyrki and Tarja?”

”They live closer to Tuomas and Johanna, at least that’s what I’ve gathered from Jani’s ramblings. He sometimes just rattles off and I try to listen, but he jumps the subject so often, I cannot follow…” the blond admitted, Mikko smirking at the description.

”What about –” Tony trailed off before he could finish his sentence when the smile on Timo’s face vanished when he caught his train of thought.

”I haven’t seen him since he died. It’s as if… he just said goodbye to Antony and Toivo and then vanished. I thought he’d be here, Lauri got here, but… Jani says he hasn’t found him…”

That made Tony grow worried. For all these years, he thought Rolf would have been here, but he hadn’t found a trace of his parents during his lifetime, so maybe…

”How vast is this world anyway, or…”

”Spirits can choose oblivion…” The trio startled upon Jani’s voice behind them. ”Last time Rolf was in Spirit World, he was with me and he was in pain. Nobody should feel pain here. Yet he did. He chose not to come here, but to go wherever his parents went, where Juha’s former anchor went… Oblivion. A place of no return…”

”How do you know this?” Tony asked, looking at the sky blue eyes of his old friend.

”I had to hound my mother for a long time for that information. She was afraid somebody would go looking for them.”

”Where were you then when the vortex-”

”That was different. It wasn’t oblivion. It was like… a grinder, a mixer. Everything was sucked in and just… I’ve never seen a washing machine, or let alone a working one, but what Timo told me of what such thing is like, I think that would be the best to describe it. It took ages to put everything back together, like a puzzle.”

”Sounds complicated…” Mikko mumbled, but Jani just shrugged.

”Maybe, but… I saw him that day and… I could tell he didn’t want to die, but he had no choice anymore. His time was up. When you are dying and you know you’re coming here… it’s not so scary. You know you’ll be fine.”

”But Rolf didn’t know where he was going, he was afraid he’d face the pain again, so he was scared, terrified… That’s why I chose to be by him, so he…” Timo couldn’t continue and Tony felt a wave of sorrow. Timo had grown to love the boy like his son, but they would never meet again. He suddenly felt the need to give Kristian a long hug.

His attention was brought to Jani, when a single leaf fell from the tree and he caught it, looking at the leaf as it wasn’t the usual green, but orange. ”You might want to look up…”

They all did and right before their eyes, above them, the thousands of leaves change into a myriad of yellow and orange and red, before a breeze carried the leaves off, swirling around them for a moment, before, just as fast, the bare branches began to bloom, filling the area with a soft, soothing scent, light-colored flowers shining in the sun, before they fell in a rain of petals and leaves were pushed through again, making the tree once again, a spectacular shade of green.

”Do all trees do this here?” Tony asked, amazed, taking a handful of the petals. There was no pollen in the air, which he was grateful for, he did not want a runny nose due to it.

”No. Just this one,” Jani shrugged.

”How long has it done that?”

”I think I noticed it around-” Jani cut off suddenly, Timo seemingly catching his drift and Mikko suddenly looking at the shaman as well. Tony was left flabbergasted at the sudden stillness.

”…after Rolf died…”

Tony didn’t have time to reply, when Jenny tugged at him, hard, making Jani turn to him and shove him out of the Spirit World for good measure, giving him an apologetic smile while at it. ”We’ll talk again soon.”

”-were you doing there? Tony? What was going on? You suddenly got stuffier and you’re indoors,” Jenny inquired, holding him by his arms, Aada peering over her shoulder with Toivo. The apprentice had joined them for dinner.

”What are those little things all over you? Like little bits of light, something attached to you in the Spirit World?” Aada asked and Tony blinked a few times. He saw nothing on him, but then he remembered, Aada saw more things than they did.

”Petals. Flower petals. I went to talk with friends. Met with Timo, Mikko, and Jani. Learned that there is a place… called oblivion. Place or a state, I don’t know, but that’s where the spirits who don’t want to stay in the Spirit World go. That’s where… some of the people we cannot find in there are. Jani probably talked his mother into submission to learn this. She was afraid people would go looking for their loved ones there. Once you go in, you cannot come back.”

”And the petals?” Toivo asked, looking surprised at what he just learned, then thoughtful, and then sad.

”By their little camp, there is a tree that occasionally goes through all the season within a few moments. Jani said that didn’t start happening, or at least he noticed it after Rolf died. That’s all I know, I didn’t have time to ask anything else when you pulled me back.”

”You came back a lot faster than you usually do. You never want to leave that place,” Jenny pointed out, giving him the jar of ointment for his asthma.

”Jani shoved me, promising me we’d talk soon.”

”So you think he-” Toivo didn’t want to finish the sentence, staring at his bowl of food before looking up at Tony, eyes betraying his sorrow.

”Yeah. Jani said there wouldn’t have been a respite for him in the Spirit World. He chose that for himself.” Tony summarised, not wanting to repeat everything Jani had said to Rolf’s apprentice. He didn’t even dare to guess who cried hardest that day, Antony, Elias or Toivo. He had long figured out what Rolf sacrificed to keep the Tulenpoika imprisoned in the Sphere, and what Jani told him, made him certain Rolf had chosen oblivion.

”He will never be forgotten though…”

”No.”


	3. Pin drop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are more similar than they thought, yet worlds apart, literally.

**Chapter 3: Pin drop**

”Mother?”

She heaved a sigh again, shaking her head and leaving the flint, turning to look at her son, who was yet again visiting them.

”What is it, Jani? There’s nothing else I can tell of the oblivion, nobody knows more than that.”

”It’s not that… Remember that big tree by our camp? It keeps going through seasons rapidly at times. Ever since Rolf died.”

That had Mielikki pause and set the flint down again. Jani helped the tiny ember to light the kindle and the fire was soon burning brightly.

”What do you mean?”

”It sometimes just turns colorful, then drops the leaves, the wind sweeps them off, then it blooms, sheds the blooms and sprouts leaves, then it stays like that for a long time, until doing it again. I haven’t noticed it doing that before that and… no other tree I’ve seen does that,” Jani explained, sitting down by the fire, still not too close, but rather comfortably. Her eyes lingered on him before she settled down better herself.

”He was an earth shaman, an exceptional one, who managed to teach his specific style to his apprentice and also to his friend. He understood the world differently. All worlds. Maybe, even though his spirit is no longer within our reach, that tree could hold a fragment of him. Where did the Seita he shared with Lauri end up?”

Jani frowned. ”The shards are… shi- they are buried under that tree. I gave them to Timo and he buried the Seita shards there.”

”Part of him is still here. Close to the only two people who are here for him. ”

”…Can you finally tell me the truth though?” Jani changed the subject, though not without some hesitance.

”What truth? I haven’t lied to you.” Her face betrayed no emotion.

”You have omitted. The third drum. I’ve seen Juha try to get to it 6 times. He hasn’t gotten even close to it without feeling ill and there is something there… Mom? Those kuksas…” the redhead’s attention was halted by the wooden cups on the shelf, forgetting his original question.

Three kuksa.

”Why three?” he asked, getting up to look at them closer, but she grabbed his shirt, stopping him. ”Mom?”

”Because we had three children, not just two…” he turned to see his father stand in the doorway, facing his gaze head-on, while Mielikki hung hers, letting go of Jani.

”What?”

”…you were the only one we could keep… Tähti took Terhi and… friends took the third that was born some years later… You never noticed you were like quicksilver, everywhere and nowhere at once…”

”We do not know where the child ended up, the less we knew, the better. It was not what we wanted, but it was what was have to be done.”

”I never saw the baby and Toivo made sure the newborn was passed to the new parents as soon as possible. It hurt. All I wanted was to keep all three of you, but at least I knew they were loved.”

”We don’t even know do you have a younger brother or sister, but we hope the child is still alive.”

If Jani hadn’t sat down, he would have done so forcibly by now, his knees felt weak and his head spun. ”…what?”

”There was no bond between us, the couple who took the baby, I haven’t seen them since. I… I guess I’ve been afraid of the truth and decided against trying to seek them out. I feel like we still aren’t supposed to know. It tears me apart inside.”

”Our family line might not be ending,” Jani pointed out after a long silence. He had died young and Terhi was childless.

”That is a possibility. I do not know… I’m sorry…” Mielikki whispered, Toivo coming to hug her. Jani looked at them, her silent tears for the child she wanted to know. His gaze shifted to the trio of kuksa on the shelf. They had almost fully replicated their old kota from the Altaria settlement and suddenly, an image came back to him of the old one, and there were three cups on the shelf. When he last saw them, one was charred, one filled with water upon the closer look that Marko had taken and mentioned, and the third one…

”I’m sorry you were stuck with me…” he whispered and left the kota, ignoring his mother’s plea for him to stay. He needed space.

He found some solace by the river he usually sat on the bank of, staring into the water, seeing glimpses on the other side in the stream. It wasn’t jealousy that burned inside of him, at least he refused to acknowledge it as such. He felt sorry for them. Maybe, if the times had been different, they would have been a happy family… Shaking his head, he turned to a wolf spirit and vanished from the Spirit World.

** ** **

Terhi was combing Lumi’s dark hair when the silence was disturbed by a woosh and padding of paws that soon turned to faint footsteps. She looked up and was surprised to see her twin standing there.

”Jani? Lumi, why don’t you go ask if Noora could braid your hair? I need to have a chat with my brother.”

The girl nodded, taking the comb and hair tie, dressing up quickly to go outside, hollering for the earth shaman.

”You didn’t need to send her away-”

”You look upset. What happened?”

”…heard some new things of our family… Not sure should I tell you, but…”

”You’d tell me anyway. From what I’ve gathered from others, you do what you want and not what people tell you to,” she stated, smirking a bit, Jani mimicking that.

”True. I… I asked mom about the third kuksa in their kota, I had seen one as a kid as well. We have a sibling. They don’t know details, that baby was given away. They said I was small when he-she, whichever, was born.”

Terhi did what Jani would have done hadn’t he taken a seat earlier when talking with his parents. She sank onto a chest that doubled as a bench. ”W-what?”

”My reaction exactly. I can see mom is still raw over it. They don’t know anything about that child… She said she has been afraid to look for them, to whom they gave the baby to.”

”…that’s needle in the haystack, unless the kid has any of the features of our parents. You have better chances of recognizing our sibling since you know what they look like and you remember their features.”

Jani’s mood sank even lower when the same occurred to him. ”I’d have two worlds to search… I can’t.”

”Neither can I,” she said, shuddering and rubbing her arms. ”This is… conflicting news. I don’t know should I be happy or sad…”

”I feel sorry for them, they were stuck with me…”

”Jani…”

He had made their lives hard, yet they always welcomed him with open arms, let him feel their love, but… because of his own fears, he had run. Also breaking their hearts doing so. He looked down at his arm, pulling back the sleeve, seeing the faint crescent scars.

”I’d give quite a lot to go back in time…”

”Don’t say that.”

”You don’t have regrets?”

”…not really. Maybe my… childlessness was meant to be. Maybe-”

”That’s an awful lot to put on simple maybes.”

”What you would change?”

Jani didn’t even need to think.

”I would have avoided getting shot in the leg. Or better yet, stop me from getting bit by a wolf and inadvertently, causing myself to be afraid of fire, which… could have saved me…”

”I heard Mikko was a decent medic, why he failed?”

He grimaced, forgetting she was a healer too, paired up with another healer. ”I would have needed rest… the wound cauterizing… though I don’t think it could have worked that well… They had too limited supplies and by the time I got back to Jenny, it was too late.”

”She told me that years ago. He never told you afterward why-”

”No… and I don’t want to ask. He tried,” he cut her off. She raised her hands in defeat.

”I don’t want to argue with you. We are in this situation and that’s it.”

”There is still one more thing I want to know from somebody, but… I don’t want to talk with them for a while,” he mumbled, leaning against his hands.

”And what is that?”

”…why Juha or anybody else cannot get close to that drum… It has bothered me for 6 years. 6 times Juha has tried to get to it, 6 times he gets sick. Antony couldn’t touch either the first time around. It’s bothering me…” Jani said, going to the window of the cabin, looking out.

Toivo, Aada, Kristian, Lumi, Markus, Joonas and Lilja were playing ball, tossing it to each other, apparently memorizing something while at it.

”Have they shown any signs yet?”

”No. With Joonas we didn’t have time to look for any signs and Lilja, she was born so fast if there was a sign, we missed it. So far, they are blank. Maybe the element will lay claim on them. Toivo and Markus have earth, that is confirmed, Kristian has air, Aada fire, and Lumi water. This future circle will be perfect in balance-wise,” Terhi explained to her brother, as she came to look at the group of apprentices of different ages. ”Aada can see their handprints on the ball. Their spirits leave marks…” she added when the blind apprentice caught the ball with unsure hands. She never tossed to Joonas or Lilja, meaning she didn’t quite see them.

”I need to go…”

”It was great seeing you. When- when you see our parents, hug them for me too.”

”I will…”

Terhi was left alone in the cabin, looking torn. She could hardly believe what Jani had just told her and felt the need to find out, to know was there any hope of their family line. Either Risto’s or hers. Koskinen family was mostly gone, only Risto being left and Liimatainen family name rested on her shoulders unless she could figure out who was their sibling, but without any hint or attempt from their parents, the search was for nothing.

”Deities around me, help me with this… I need to know…” she whispered, quickly pulling clothes on and heading to the only person she knew was left, who could, in theory, have any kind of hunch who took in a baby and raised it as their own.

”Emppu?” she approached the man, making him turn slowly. ”Can I ask you something?”

”Yeesh, you sounded like Jenny for a moment and I thought I’ve done something wrong again. Yes?”

”How much you were around Altaria?”

”Um, whaddya mean?” he looked confused.

”Did any… outsiders come and go?”

”Occasionally, I mean, Mielikki was noaidi. The healer, Altaria was a community spread far and wide, more like a village than a settlement, at least that’s how it felt sometimes. Jenny might remember better-”

”Are you how much older than me?”

”Um… like… two years?” he looked unsure and Terhi grimaced. The chances were slim.

”Do you remember any couple of a person coming to the settlement and then leaving with a baby?” she thought to just drop the question.

”Whaaaaat, I have no idea, I was a kid, like… 6 or something. I was busy running after my parents… How come?”

”Just… I was hoping I could track a person down, but… all who know at least a little are in the Spirit World… I think I just need to go and ask, then.” Terhi shook her head and took off, back to the cabin, leaving flabbergasted Emppu to stand there, eyes wide.

”Jenny?” she hollered as she made it back to the cabin, sensing the other woman in the other cabin. She soon poked her head out, glancing around. ”I need your help a bit.”

She was taking off her parka and boots by the time Jenny made it there, sans thicker clothes, just a blanket, going to toss another log to the fire and sat down by it. ”You need me for something?”

”Yes. I don’t know are you older or younger than me?”

”Um, as far as I know, a few years younger.”

”Damnit.”

”Never heard you swear before, something wrong? Wait… Jani’s been here?” the blonde cut herself off, sensing familiar residual aura lingering.

”Yes. We have a younger sibling. Some years younger than us. That child was given away and I need to know who and where is that child now. Of course, should be adult in their forties, but still…”

”That was new.”

”I’m so confused. I don’t know what to… I just… I should go to the Spirit World and talk to my parents, but…”

”You still haven’t done it?”

”No. Believe it or not, but no. Helping others keeps me busy and I’m sure they understand, they were healers. Damnit, Jani! Dropping this on me and now it keeps bothering me. Just like the third drum and why it’s off-limits is bothering him,” she almost ranted, making the other raise her eyebrows at her being irate.

”You are much like him, though a lot calmer. He did tend to get fixated on little things and wouldn’t stop until he had worked it to death,” Jenny was slightly amused but kept her expression as neutral as possible as she rubbed her arms to get the circulation back to normal. She only had a thin undershirt and the Sámi pants with the boots loose around her ankles.

”…sometimes I forget you knew him so well…”

”Only Timo and Emppu knew him better, Timo knew him the best, for obvious reasons. Why did you ask me here?”

”I was hoping you could remember was there a couple or a person who came to the settlement as a stranger to most or if they knew our parents, but then left, with a baby with them.”

”I’m sorry, I don’t remember those small details. There are none left but Emppu and me of the younger generation and… I don’t know. There might not be anybody alive to help you. I can go around and ask the Sámi who are still here.”

”That could work, but… I’ll try to talk with my mother. I reckon she is upset. I just need to alert Risto, but he’s probably still trying to convince the old man to take it easy with his broken hip.”

”You mean Grandpa Santeri? The most bullheaded man in the whole western part of the settlement?”

”The very same,” Terhi said dryly. She loved to help, but Santeri drove everyone treating him up the wall.

”He would love the excuse to bail him… Nobody blames him though…”

”He’s too kind-hearted to say no,” Terhi laughed, coming back to sit by the fire after having paced around for maybe too long. ”I need to do this now.”

”I’ll ask Kristian to let him know. He’s not afraid of Santeri,” she promised, as the older woman slipped into the Spirit World.

** ** **

The person she met first was Tähti, to her surprise.

”Äiskä…” she said, even though she was only her foster mother and mother-in-law at the same time.

”Oh you dear girl, you came all the way here…”

”I had to. There is one thing I need to know…”

The laughing and twinkling eyes settled on her and Tähti realized she was serious and bothered. ”What is it? You can tell me.”

”Probably too many know of it already, I just.. I need to see my birth mother… I need to talk with her, Jani came to me some time ago-”

”I know. I saw him leave and then come back, he’s troubled right now. And I can tell you are too. Mielikki and Toivo live there, I can help you there…” she took Terhi’s arm and in a blink, they were standing before a kota, opening the flap after Tähti patted her back and nodded to her, vanishing to give them privacy.

”Hey…” she called out. Mielikki was sitting on the bedding, eyes red and puffy, having cried, Toivo letting her lean against him.

”Terhi?” her mother asked, voice thick.

”I came to see you. Jani came to see me some time ago.”

”Where is he?”

”I think he needs some time to clear his head. I would need that, but we are twins. We are alike in some ways. He told me.”

Mielikki looked down, out of tears to shed. ”I… I saw nightmares, visions even. I had to separate all of you… Tähti was an easy choice, she raised you both well. I do feel like I failed Jani, but even more so I feel like I failed our youngest.”

”What do you know of whom you gave the baby to?”

”I don’t remember much, the visions kept assaulting me even during childbirth. I don’t even remember all the details. I was so out of it I could have given birth to another set of twins and not know…” she trailed off, blowing her nose.

”He was a Sámi man, like the man who found and then raised Aada. So, most likely, if he was the one to raise the child, it’s a possibility the first language is sámi,” Toivo explained. ”I just… helped the baby out, put a blanket on the lower body so I wouldn’t even know which one she gave birth to, the man took care of the cord and such, so… All I wanted was to give the newborn to Mielikki, but I couldn’t.”

”What kind of visions? Like the kind you saw when pregnant with us?”

”Worse. And more confusing, oppressive. I don’t like to even remember them, they ended as soon as the baby was out of our reach. Death and suffering, fire, smoke, screams of pain, snow, water, earth churning… And three ovals… One of them black. That’s when I knew it had something to do with the three drums. Elävien, Sielujen, Välitilan-”

”We have two of them, and we know where the third one is.”

”They shouldn’t be in the same place unless in dire circumstances. They cannot be together.”

”Noora and I are responsible for them. Rolf wouldn’t touch them, even though he could-”

”Who had the third?”

”Juha Kylmänen.”

”And now it’s in his abandoned lair, untouchable. I can only guess, but since the Limbo is locked away, the drum is too. Unless Tulenpoika burns itself out, which I hardly believe could happen, the Drum of Between is untouchable, because the creature burns it yet the drum also contains it.”

”If the drum breaks, the creature will be loose. The creature is in a stalemate. If the drum breaks, it could either vanish or be set loose. The drum is too strong with the Spirit Sphere for it to break out of it. Why I didn’t see it before?! The world is -on- the drum. It’s black because nobody can get in, nobody can see!” Terhi felt like the ink on the pages just turned visible. ”The Drum IS the prison’s outermost shell! The drum frame!”

Mielikki and Toivo looked at each other, surprised.

”And I thought only Tony and Rolf got the brightest revelations… Nobody can touch the drum because of the creature itself and the Drum’s energy containing it. You could- You could lock somebody on the Land of the Living forever with the right spell and also… to the Spirit World… I think I understand now how Juha manipulated the drum… It’s all so clear now!” Terhi hadn’t even noticed that she got up to pace. ”He has a photographic memory, he held more lore books that I’ve ever seen! Those books are dangerous to have around… Jani couldn’t figure this out himself, not without what you said-”

”I’m not as smart as you…”

They all jumped at Jani’s voice from the door.

”I couldn’t have figured all that out…”

”How much did you hear?” Toivo asked.

”About the drum? The whole deal,” Jani replied, not looking up at them. He had a distant look in his eyes. ”At least I concluded that our sibling does not have shamanistic traits, they’d be high in the hierarchy within Sámi society and none of them fits the bill…”

”Jani-” Terhi started, but Jani just shook his head, coming in and pressing his hand against her forehead.

”I’m sorry, but they want you back.”

”Jani!”

** ** **

Terhi yelped as she was thrust back into her body and to the Land of the Living.

”Oh sweet heavens I figured them out…”

”Figured what out?” Risto asked, helping her up.

”The Drum. Also… Jenny? Our sibling was adopted by a Sámi man. Probably closer to west, I think. Nobody would make a long journey with a newborn even in the warmer months.”

”I’ll ask around.”

”I need all the shamans together. I have news on the Drum of Between…” she directed the next words to Risto. ”I figured out how Juha wrecked the Spirit World and a lot of other things. Get them all here.”

”Of course,” he said, smiling at her and kissing her forehead.


	4. Things to know

**Chapter 4: Things to know**

It took some time to wrangle all the shamans to one place, considering Juha and Antony had been rather occupied as the kids were out and Noora was helping out an injured reindeer on the other edge, but they were finally all sitting at the cabin.

”I swear, children are easier to herd in one place than you lot…” she muttered, much to their amusement. If Terhi out of all people was this impatient, the news had to be big.

”So, what has you on the edge?”

”The Välitilan Rumpu. I know why nobody can approach it. It depicts Limbo, doesn’t it?” Terhi asked from Juha, who shuddered.

”Yes, it’s the simplest of drums I’ve seen, yet very detailed.”

”Draw it for us, since your memory is good. Tulenpoika, as my brother calls it, is in the Limbo, in the Spirit Sphere. We cannot enter Limbo anymore. Tony can’t, Rolf couldn’t, and he was the best at it, and Juha was literally spat out. Limbo is the secondary prison. The drum frame itself, physically, is holding the Limbo together and Tulenpoika in there, even tighter. The drum itself is Limbo incarnate in this world. I think that the Välitila was either created or defined when the drum was made, or, it was created to trap the Limbo in there to control it.

So, this means, that you cannot go near the drum as long as it’s holding together and the Tulenpoika is there and the drum radiates the evil outward, to make anybody going closer physically ill. It’s protecting itself.”

Everyone was staring at Terhi, jaws slack, Juha had paused mid-stroke of a pencil on a paper pad.

”…holy shit…” Antony whispered and Tony had to pinch the bridge of his nose, trying to wrap his head around _-this-_ piece of information. Or more like a chunk of it.

”So if the drum was to break-” he started.

”The beast could move the Sphere, though I think it cannot move it anywhere…” Juha butted in while frantically drawing, eyes unfocused as he was tapping into his memory.

”What do you mean?” Noora asked.

”Rolf bound it to the soil with his strength. I saw the huge tree roots, I could tell he wasn’t going to let it move. I was able to move it after studying it a long while and figuring out what it was made of. I’m sorry you did that for nothing…” the fire shaman apologized and handed the pad back.

”It’s not an intelligent creature, at least I hope it’s not…” Antony gulped, shuddering at the memory. ”So the… wait, I’m gonna get this right, the sacrifice stays in place even after death, as long as nobody says out loud what even some other person sacrificed, so it should hold. Can others add to it? If you know what I mean.”

”I- I actually don’t know about that. You got me thinking now…” Terhi drew a blank, looking at the drawing of the drum, studying it.

”Yes. But since it’s in Limbo and the Drum is doing a damn good job at keeping everyone at bay, Iiiiiiii don’t think so. It’s just not an option anymore. What is done is done. All you can hope is to keep extra protection on it even from the Spirit World,” Juha ended it with a shrug.

”So, we just uphold the layers of the Sphere, hope nobody blurts out anything stupid even accidentally and go on with our lives, even though there is a wood and reindeer-hide drum out there, holding it. It’s not even on a Seita site, but maybe… that’s for the best…” Tony pulled the story to a close and others nodded.

”Yeah…”

”No pressure…”

”That kinda makes me nervous…”

”Wish there had been a way to kill it…”

The shamans and their anchors were murmuring this and that, some resigned, some, like Antony, nervous.

”Did I mention that there is a place called oblivion? That spirits can choose oblivion, not to come here as spirits or go to the Spirit World?” Tony asked after a while. This halted the budding conversation and Antony looked at him with a frown.

”…oblivion?”

”Yes. There is no return from that place.”

”How did you come by this knowledge?” Terhi looked at him, frowning.

”Jani got that information from his mother.”

”He’s in there, isn’t he?” Antony asked, connecting the dots.

”…yes…” Tony answered truthfully, making the younger shaman look down and close his eyes, Juha’s hand coming to rub his neck. ”He’s not there. Never went there. He chose it.”

Others were looking at them with varying looks of confusion, until one by one, it dawned on them.

”Rolf chose to… vanish from existence?”

Now it was Tony’s turn to look at Juha, who knew something more than he was letting on.

”When a spirit isn’t found, there is no other place where they could be… She didn’t want to tell so nobody would go looking for their beloved from there, or they both would be lost,” Tony repeated the caution.

”Well…” the fire shaman snorted and his mouth curled to a smile full of irony. He had been given a choice. He had to give up his redemption or face the destruction caused by his inaction. He had no business to go into the Spirit World after his death. He was destined for oblivion unless he would live forever, which he doubted. Now he knew where his beloved cousin was. Or where Antony’s cousin was. He looked at Tony, whom he guessed also had a lost relation in there. ”It’s not an easy choice, but things got to be horrid if somebody was to choose that on their own volition. I can count two people.”

”Your cousins. My wife is most likely there, she’s not in the Spirit World, yet I’ve seen her spirit here… So-”

”Then she’s not in oblivion if you’ve seen her.”

”You got a point there, Juha. I saw her three times as a wolf. She protected me when Tulenpoika started attacking, but the wolf vanished. Didn’t see her since.”

”…she could be there now…”

”Just a thought-” Noora butted in, frowning. ”We needed the help of every shaman in this world, Limbo and Spirit World to defeat it. How was Rolf allowed to choose oblivion? He was one of the best if not -the- best I’ve witnessed in earth and drum control. With him gone, and in the worst-case scenario-”

”This Circle is stronger than the earlier and the next will be even stronger. Toivo and Aada are a power duo as it is, but also taking a gigantic risk, but weak anchor bonds are every shaman’s downfall,” Juha said sharply, startling Noora.

”The past 5 had two couples of shamans anchored to great shamans of their right, my parents and Terhi’s parents could have formed the 5 with just Tuomas or Jyrki there, but-”

”No matter how great a shaman, anchor dying means the shaman dies…” Juha’s tone held irony. He had been killed and pulled Mikko along, Tarja’s illness pulled Jyrki to his death, the Koskinen and Liimatainen had been slain together, Rolf took Lauri with him.

”Rolf had a chance to let Lauri go before he died.”

Antony’s words brought silence to their midst.

”He told me that Jani had given him the Seita that was in the Limbo, before- I saw him always have something invisible near his hand. Something only he saw. I caught him putting his hand on something while reading and I could see that he was holding something in his hand. Something flat…”

”The Seita are visible in the Limbo and Spirit World, they can look different, but they are usually… like pieces of antler. About the size of your palm, but it can be different shapes as well. Usually like antlers, delicate like glass yet very durable,” Tony was trying to describe a Seita marker as best as he could. Antony had gotten better at seeing spirits, knowing how to focus on them, but he still had things to learn, despite being Grand Master. Tony had learned it himself, you’re never too old to learn and there are always new things to learn, until the day you die. ”Rolf was… in pain in the Spirit World, that’s what Jani told me, they met in there.”

”That shouldn’t be possible, unless-” Juha’s eyes bugged out for a bit until his eyebrows shot up when it dawned on him. ”That was a good move from him. Foolhardy, but effective…” He couldn’t say it out loud. He himself had sacrificed his redemption, his access to the Spirit World upon his death. He had taken a wild guess in his mind of what the others had sacrificed and having observed everyone from afar, he thought he had them all figured out. Except for Noora, who, as an earth shaman, was an enigma to him, she was so different from Rolf.

Rolf had sacrificed all his pain, Jyrki most likely everything dealing his former anchor bond, Terhi most likely her childlessness, Tony his love for his late wife but Noora… He had caught a glimpse of others when they sacrificed something, but Noora’s he hadn’t been able to see.

”Oh wow…” Noora mumbled into her kuksa. ”I didn’t need to figure it out but I did and I’m impressed. Anyways… Was there anything else? Any other news bomb to drop? -That was a poor choice of words, wasn’t it?”

”…yeah…” Antony muttered, still remembering how even over a decade later Tampere had looked like after the deadly hale of explosives.

”Juha, I think I have a hunch how you created the vortex Tony spoke to me about,” Terhi lifted the other cat to the table.

”I have no doubt you have, considering you were able to figure out the drum that I couldn’t.”

”Yet you controlled it.”

”Just barely. I was playing with fire, literally. Playing with things that were almost beyond my control. Without Mikko, there was no chance I could have been able to keep it under my control. I remember seeing a page in one book about imbalance and what it could, in theory, cause. Well, I was stupid enough to try to see if the theory held. It did. It blinded me. All that power under my control, albeit it took a lot out of me. Limbo… it stays on you. Reetta said she recognized me, I bumped into them in Oulu and I barely recall that. Some of you said my eyes had red in them. I saw Limbo red, while some see it grey. I think it’s personal, the way you see it.”

”I could see the Limbo overlap this world when I fought you. I saw the normal world, but I saw it more… like it was before and I could see the Seita posts, one of which Rolf moved somehow to my reach, helping me-”

”The one you snapped my neck with? That hurt like a bitch, but I guess I earned it.”

”Yes, I think you did. At least a little. One thing I didn’t understand. You died, Mikko died soon after, crying over you, but Tuomas was already dead, yet his body started moving and he got up, but Jyrki said it wasn’t Tuomas, but-”

”It was Mikko, in Tuomas’ body, somehow.”

Juha’s head turned to their direction so fast his neck popped. ”What?”

”Can a shaman spirit possess others?”

”…Our family line is… peculiar. Johanna was a Spirit Beacon, there’s Aada who only sees spirits, then there were me and my cousin… There’s something in our blood that… Maybe Mikko had more talent or he was just so hell-bent on avenging me… Maybe he was disgusted by what I did, or maybe Tuomas banished him to oblivion, considering what he did and Tuomas’ spirit is in Spirit World.”

”It’s forbidden. To take over somebody for nefarious purposes. He broke the law of the ancestors, of the shamans. That could warrant him being sent to oblivion. That’s why not even Rolf could find any trace of him, but then again, he never found his parents, from what I heard,” Terhi explained and Juha looked down for a moment, shoulders tense, taking deep breaths.

”We were so stupid… bitter and stupid.”

”Jyrki said he sensed the darkness in you,” Noora whispered, having heard the tale several times from Jyrki.

”We dabbled with things we shouldn’t have, but we had no teachers. I know he tried to rectify that by teaching me later and I appreciate it. I appreciate the help from all of you and I want to help. I’m grateful you don’t… hold it against me. Too badly…” Juha’s voice was thick and he couldn’t look up, not even when Antony leaned against him and put his arm around him. Terhi’s hand on his shoulder brought his gaze back up.

”Everybody makes mistakes. You nearly destroyed the world, yes, but if the elders and fate along with them decided you deserved a second chance, then we must give you a second chance. You had Helená, even though for a short while, you have Lilja and you have Antony and Joonas. You have a family. If you weren’t worthy of that kind of happiness, you wouldn’t have it.”

They were silent for a while, giving Juha time to gather himself again before Tony brought up one more thing.

”I don’t think he’s gone. Rolf I mean. There is a tree, no idea what tree, by the kota where Jani and Timo live in the Spirit World. Timo buried the remains of the Seita there with Lauri and since then, the tree… changes from time to time. I was sitting there, it was summer as it always is there, but suddenly, the leaves turned yellow and orange and such and fell, the wind blowing it around us and then… it bloomed, branches almost groaning from under the number of flowers, then the petals fell and soon, leaves sprung up again. Then it just… remained like that. Jani said that happens every now and then. I would like to believe it’s some sliver of Rolf’s spirit, letting them know he’s still there… No other tree does that and Jani has been around there a while… I was covered in the petals but felt no pollen and once I came back, Aada could see the petals still on me, like specks of light and I had sounded like I was stuffy with my allergies again. Pollen has got an effect on me and it’s slowly been going worse when I grow older…”

”You felt it in this world? Were you inside or outside?” Risto looked curious.

”I was inside.”

Before any of them could start to even wonder what was going on, a roar had the temperature in the structure plummet. The wolves were all around them and howling and barking, some humans screaming outside.

”A BEAR!” somebody screamed, making Antony, Juha, and Noora spring up and make it to the door.

The huge brown animal looked emaciated and ferocious, taking huge swipes at the wolves that stood between the bear and the children and some of the adults that had been at the square.

”Holy shit!” Antony whispered and Juha covered his mouth quickly.

”It’s the only animal a shaman isn’t allowed to kill. It’s the king of the forest. And this one is an epitome of hangry…”

”…guys… Lilja and Joonas are separated from the group… the wolves can’t get to them in time if the bear decides to turn around…” Noora’s voice poured ice to their insides and Juha had to hold Antony tighter. True enough, to the back left of the raging bear, the two 6-year-olds were cowering behind a pile of logs.

”Can you control animals?”

”…only reindeer…” Noora replied to Juha, gulping almost audibly. ”Some of the Sámi are hunters, but… I think Toivo has a plan…”

The young apprentice stood separate from the others, just behind the wolves, jaw set, hands clenching and unclenching.

”Rolf used to do that… He’s working on something… And I think I can help… You guys stay here…” Noora rasped and stepped outside, only glad in indoor clothes and boots she had hastily put on.

”I hope you and I have the same plan?” Toivo asked out loud and Noora barked a laugh.

”Not sure, but we cannot kill this beast, just need to scare it off…”

”Good to know…”

Before either earth shaman could go anything, Lilja accidentally knocked over the pile of logs, making the bear turn his head towards them.

”…uh-oh…”


	5. Moment of Stillness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue where this is going. I think it shows. Halp!

**Chapter 5: A moment of stillness**

Reetta was standing by the window, looking outside where the apprentices and some other children and teens were playing ball, Aada sitting idly by, swaying and probably humming something, in her own world. She smiled and sat down, hand on her lower abdomen, that was slightly swollen, causing her discomfort when trying to bend down to pick something off the floor. Whatever it was, it was hard and she had gotten the sinking feeling it might be the very same thing that took Tarja down. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she completely missed Salla entering the room.

”Mom?”

”Hmh? Oh, Salla, sorry. I was just looking outside, the others are playing, why haven’t you gone there? I know you get along with Aada.”

”…not feeling like it. You’re not ok. I’ve noticed. You hide it well, but I’ve noticed. You wear looser clothes, you’ve changed the way you sit while you read, you crouch down when picking something up…”

She chuckled. ”Of course I had to be blessed with vigilant children. Yeah… Everything’s not fine. It’s like… a rock… in my womb. I’m afraid it’s the same thing Tarja had. Though I’m not in pain in any way. Just… discomfort.”

”I’m worried. I don’t want to lose you…” Salla said, coming to stand in front of her mother. She got up again, hands coming to frame her face, brushing the brown hair from her face.

”You’re a grown woman already. You don’t need me much longer, but I want to stay with you. I don’t plan on going anywhere for a while. Besides… you’re not that good at hiding things either. At least not from me.”

Salla blushed bright red. ”…what gave me away?”

”…looser clothes…” she repeated and her daughter groaned. ”Does he know?”

”Yeah. We haven’t told anybody just yet. Didn’t know how.”

”How about you just say it out loud. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are adults…”

”I know…” she could barely look up. ”I’m just… I dunno…”

Reetta just hugged her daughter tightly, rocking her a bit, before she heard the roar and screams, accompanied by wolves and she could feel her old memories from Wolf Range resurface.

”Oh my god mom, there’s a bear out there!” Salla sounded horrified as they had pulled apart and Reetta had to fight to actually understand what she was seeing.

** ** **

Toivo’s heart skipped a few beats when he felt the lumbering steps, and when he actually turned, he ushered the others behind Aada as the wolves ran to them, protecting their human pack members. She had stood up and was looking around, all tensed up.

”Can you see the bear?”

”No! I can’t see it!”

”I hope you and I have the same plan?” Toivo asked out loud when he saw Noora sneak out of the hut and she barked a laugh, sounding nervous.

”Not sure, but we cannot kill this beast, just need to scare it off…”

”Good to know…”

”Tree roots on fire?”

”It’s my best guess…”

Clatter had them pause, but so did the bear. Lilja and Joonas had caught the bear’s attention and this gave an opening to Toivo and Noora. The earth trembled and split as the frozen tree roots sprung up and as they caught fire, lashed at the bear.

They did get it to back up and Lilja and Joonas started to make their way slowly towards the wolves, who quickly took them under their protection. Yet the bear wouldn’t relent. It was too angry and too hungry to mind some singed hair and whipping roots. They tried to bind it, but it broke free as if they were nothing.

”…is the bear only animal that shamans have no power over?” Toivo asked, seeing the wolves crouch lower, growling, and snapping their jaws at the huge animal.

”…starting to think so… We are not allowed to kill bears. It’s forbidden. I don’t remember the details why, but it is the king of the forest, one of the eldest beings.”

”…shaman cannot kill it, but a hunter can!”

”DOWN!”

The shout had them all ducking down, Ella pulling Aada with her when a shot was fired and the bear roared. Another shot and the bear rose to the hind paws, blood spraying everywhere. The third shot and the mighty king of the forest fell with a heavy thud and a groan. It was not dead yet, the ferocious eyes glared at them, but it didn’t move. Toivo looked back to see his father lower one of the old guns he had kept above the doorway, a few others from the Wolf Range had.

Lilja was staring at the bear, slowly coming closer, despite one of the wolves trying to pull her back.

”Lilja?” Toivo asked, but the girl ignored him.

”…we are sorry… This isn’t your place… You can go to better hunting grounds…” she said, tears in her eyes. Everybody held their breath, when the 6-year-old approached the downed bear, clinging to life, most likely paralyzed if not just pretending to be and she knelt before the head of the animal. ”Sorry…” she took off her mitten and laid her hand on top of the its head and they all heard the last breath of the beast and the brown eyes closed. 

Toivo sat up, staring, jaw hanging open, at the child who pets the beast who had been ready to eat her for a lunch. ”What the heck…” he muttered as Juha came for Lilja, kneeling next to her. He saw the shaman being perplexed of what was going on, but they had no explanation of what happened.

”…it was just hungry…” Lilja whispered and Juha pulled her closer.

”Not everyone in this world gets enough food. We couldn’t have started to feed it. No matter what.”

”…I could see his hurt.”

”…we all did…”

”Remember that story Antony told us? Where the woman turned into reindeer? What if… bears were humans once?”

”…it’s just a story, Lilja…”

”…animals can be possessed by humans. Noora could do it. Spirits do it. Shamans do it,” she insisted and Juha heaved a sigh, the girl sometimes remembered too much.

”Spirits of shamans can do it, some spirits can learn how to possess animals, yes, but it’s not widespread. This one was nothing but a common bear, in search of food,” he countered

”Can you eat bear meat?” Boy, was she ever-inquisitive?

”…some do, but I barely have any cooking talents… so I don’t plan to do anything to this. Thought of it makes me sick. Come on, let’s go…”

As parents came to embrace the children they were afraid they’d lose, Juha led Lilja and Joonas away from the bear.

”Bears usually don’t come anywhere near this many people… They stick to the wilderness… Or edges of society, but this one…” Antony whispered as soon as Juha was close enough.

”I know. I don’t think it was just hunger…”

”No. And why Lilja is so fascinated by it?” Antony asked as the kids were gushing over the fact how big the creature was, the danger already was forgotten.

”She remembered your story. Of the Sámi woman turning into a reindeer. She also said she can sense how hurt it was. I don’t know, it could be just that she said it because it was obvious to see, but-”

”The look in her eyes when it was lying there…” Antony finished for Juha and looked at the bear as well. Nobody dared to approach it, though they should. At least the skin should be harvested, if not the usually fatty and oily meat, but still, people were hesitant. Even the Sámi stayed a spear’s throw away. A bear that thin might not have much meat on it.

”She hasn’t shown any talent yet, except that…” Juha’s voice was barely a whisper. ”…she could have a knack with animals. Fuck, I don’t think I can calm down for a while, my heart’s still hammering my ribs…” he ran his mitten along his face. Antony wrapped his arm around his waist and looked on, as two of the older men, their designated hunters walked down the path, knives ready, planning to take on skinning the bear.

Tony looked away from the two fire shamans, to the wolves who were still on edge, making sure none of the youngsters went any closer than necessary. Kristian was staring at the sight with wide eyes, not budging when Toivo tried to get him to go back inside.

”What is going on… There weren’t supposed to be bears around anymore…” he said to no-one in particular, Terhi coming to stand next to him.

”There’s something going on. Again. Well, there are always things we don’t know or understand going on. I’m just as confused as you. I’m confused about everything.”

”Usually you seem to know everything or figure things out really quick,” Tony said with a smirk and the woman just scoffed, amused.

”Maybe, but I’ve had so many revelations in one day I’m getting a headache. Jenny is probably asking the Sámi what they know. I’m just… kinda giddy on the prospect that I might have a living sibling. What they have to do with the drum, I don’t know.”

She sounded confused and was staring into nothing, in particular, just standing there, listening to the sounds of the settlement. after a moment she turned her attention on Juha and Antony.

”I can sense that there are days when they just want to up and leave the settlement. Juha feels crowded and Antony… I can tell he’s still not over their deaths. They all died here, it’s natural to feel overwhelming sadness but he’s… I heard them talking about the old farmhouse a few times, they took a liking to it. I’ve seen it once.”

Tony turned to look at the two and then at Terhi. ”You know something more about the house?”

”…Yes. Of course, he feels drawn to that place, it used to belong to the Kurkela family, ages ago. It’s his family home. The place where he said they hid during… well, you know what I mean, it’s also one of the Kurkela places. He never went too far from ’home’, so to speak. He just never knew it.”

”And how do you know it?”

”I have a few books and scrolls that even he hasn’t heard of. His memory is a dangerous thing. One look and he’ll know. I didn’t feel safe having that knowledge too widely available. He’s not the only one to squirrel important documents to several stashes. Why do you think it took me that long to join you?” Terhi’s sly grin was a little devious and he shook his head.

”Your whole family is secretive. I can understand why, I really do, but also… if something happens… a lot will be lost.”

”Exactly. Like any knowledge of my younger sibling. I could see the mother wished to know. I kind of… outsmarted Jani and he took it rather heavily. I got the feeling he was impulsive, much more than me, but that’s the way of the fire. Some burn slowly, some rage and rave and burn themselves out too fast.”

Tony looked down. He hadn’t known Jani that long, yet he knew a lot at the same time. He had been rather restless at first, until embracing who he was and accepting his fate when he was burning the last fuel. Jani barely scratched the surface with what he had taught him, yet without him… He took his first step as a shaman with him. Much like Rolf with Tuomas and Noora with Jyrki.

”Terhi! TERHI!” they heard somebody yell, startling them both. Jenny ran to them, out of breath. She had left to ask around as soon as the bear had fallen, knowing she had nothing else to do since nobody was harmed.

”What is it?”

”I- Wait-gotta-catch-my-breath… I think I found somebody who knew the Sámi who took your sibling. The story is vague and matches only partially… but… Ow my side stings… He said the man was from further north. A reindeer herder.”

”They are all accounted for,” Terhi perked up. ”The records are here, not all of them, but-”

”He said the_ -girl-_ took over the tokka after he passed, but where she went, he hadn’t heard. He had just shown up with an infant. You were right, she was raised among regular Sámi.”

”When was she born?”

Tony could see her partially be glad the bloodline continued, albeit under a different name.

”1983 was his guess. She’d be 46-ish. Thing is… There have been only 3 Sámi women who had tokka of their own. Whereabouts of two of them could be anywhere in Lappi, but one was close here.”

”Was?” Tony butted in, not able to contain his curiosity, but the two women didn’t seem to mind.

”The third one was Helená.”

He was expecting a sharp intake of breath, some recoiling, but he heard nothing. He looked at Terhi, concerned. ”There’s still a chance it wasn’t her?”

”Yes, but… With her gone… we can only hope the two others would fit the bill. He said they were all around the same age, give or take a few years. I don’t think I can help you any further,” Jenny cringed, wringing her hands as she often did when nervous.

”Weren’t they sisters?”

”No. Best friends. Helená was the older one, she fits the description.”

”…She looked nothing like me, so I don’t think it was her…” Terhi mumbled, turning away to look at Lilja, who could be her niece.

Tony looked at Jenny, who seemed to be battling with herself whether to say something or not, opening and closing her mouth.

”…Helená did look more like your father than your mother, you and Jani were spitting images of Mielikki…”

”…no… she can’t be gone…”

”We don’t know anything for certain… That’s what one of the elders told me. We can try to ask around more…”

”What are the odds of finding her?”

Jenny didn’t have the heart to answer, so Tony did.

”Slim.”


End file.
